Decisions, decisions

Christine Penn
9 min readJan 20, 2022

TW: Please note that this is a frank discussion about genitals, related structures, and surgeries. If you're not comfortable with any of that, you may want to skip on by. Also, sharing the details of some of medical history or issues in this forum does not necessarily indicate my willingness to discuss it elsewhere. Thank you in advance!

I am struggling with a decision after another trip to New York. So, I am going to write a story as a way to cope/work through it; sort of.

Some background…

Here’s what could be an odd story, probably one that most people have never thought about. But have you ever struggle with the question of what should my genitals look like? In my case, being transgender, my new set were somewhat tailored based on the skill of my surgeon. But even doctors are limited somewhat based on biology. For one, the material they have to work with, as everyone is built a little differently. And then there is, how your body reacts afterwards (healing and maintenance). How much do you swell? How fast do you heal? Were there any complications? So, its not a major surprise to find out, that just like the nature made varieties, everyone comes out looking a little different.

“Like people, vaginas are completely individual,” she says. “No two are the same.” Dr Suzy Elneil

If you go looking for pictures of examples of female genitals to compare yourself to, I guarantee you will likely find one that looks similar to yourself. I did…and yes I found some. (A little bit of relief; they look in a normal range and not like some weird freak-a-zoid/Frankenstein.)

The conversation of the aesthetic appearance of mine came up during a post op appointment with my surgeon after my GCS. I wouldn’t have cared much about it, but I had some functional issues that also needed to be resolved that were a much higher priority (urethra angle seem to be off and urinary stream was a bit unmanageable — that had to be fixed). But as my doctor mentioned, since we were doing that…we might as well fix everything while there.

There was a tear that I did during recovery on my left labia that I did not like at all (See “The Oops” in part 4 of my GCS Series — https://christinepenn.medium.com/part-4-post-surgery-from-the-surgery-3f574ead5027 its mentioned

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Christine Penn

Trans woman, parent, cyclist, software engineer, author, chef, and many other things.